The anger I have been holding in since you left finally
overtook me. I am surprised that I am
still married. Poor Charlie. (I know
that’s what you would say.) I suppose when I have suppressed my feelings I should
probably stay away from alcohol. It was ugly. Really ugly. It was so bad I don’t
even want to tell you. I literally went
off the deep end.
So we went to the fair, and had a fairly okay time. I got intoxicated. Surprise to hear that, I know! I have pretty much avoided alcohol, or at
least, high volume consumption, since you have been gone. Not Friday night. Friday night, I drank and the more I drank,
the angrier I got. Obviously I could not
define it at the time. I was strictly pissed; pissed that Scottie was eating my
corn dog; pissed that he talked to three girls while I was buying my corn dog; (they
were not even remotely attractive) pissed that he talked to his friend while I was
dodging sexual innuendos from another dude.
Really though, those were just my drunken excuses to really
express all the anger I have been harboring because you are gone. I wish I would have realized that before I decided
to jump out of the truck 5 miles from home, throw his wallet across the street,
and decide to walk the remaining distance home, at midnight, in the grass with
the biggest mosquitoes ever to have been on the earth, in my cowboy boots. What
an idiot. Scottie even drove around looking for me… but I took short cuts; over
some fences. Then he finally found my drunken
ass; 2 blocks from home. And gave me a
ride back home; at which point I punched his dashboard, until it cracked. And then decided to get in my car and drive
it from u-turn to u-turn as fast as I could.
And then he called me. And I went back home. And I cried. I cried
violently. I cried uncontrollably. I
cried until I could not breathe. And he held me and said he understood.
I am not at all proud of my actions. Anyone else would call me a complete psycho,
and probably had me committed. How on
earth he kept his cool, I’ll never know.
The next day he asked me to meet him for breakfast. I adamantly apologized. And he forgave me. Later in the day he sent me a song; ‘Islands
in the Stream’ by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. It is my favorite song. Up until Saturday I
don’t think I ever fully grasped the meaning. I do now.
And I am sincerely blessed to have a man in my life like Scottie. We
truly will “rely on each other.”
I will do my best to not take him for granted. To tell him daily how much he truly means to
this Angry, unbalanced, psycho girl. And as he requested, I will do my best to
not be those things, and instead be the happy, free-spirited woman he fell in
love with. After all, those were the qualities
you taught me. Those characteristics were our bond. And I know, above all else, you want me to be
happy; it was your life’s mission. Mission
accomplished.
Love you and miss you,
Krissy
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