Just sad.

I know I am supposed to be doing good by now. I should be moving forward, what's done is done. You are,in fact, gone. But I just can't. sorry. I miss you so very much. my heart hurts every day. Badly. I miss you, your smile, your laugh, your sailor mouth, everything! It fucking sucks. I have this huge hole in my heart and it just won't close because you are there. And it hurts like an open wound. I mean I can literally feel my "heart ripping." You are my hero. My best friend. I would literally do anything to just have one more day to spend garage sailing with you. I want to hear you say "Krissy, you're my daughter, not my Granddaughter" just once more. We were a pair weren't we. You and me... against the world. Now it's just me. 

And that fucking sucks!

I miss you.
Krissy

Finality

I suppose the finality of you being gone hits me at different times, and in different ways. Most of the time, I am busy and doing okay. It's when I am alone that it sinks in again; I will never hear your voice again. I want so badly in those times to scream. Just fucking scream. No one has ever loved me the way you did. I was your pride and joy. You and I could talk about anything. I just feel like i have so much to tell you. So much I want to share. I want to hear you laugh. God I miss you so.

I can't believe you're gone.

I miss you.
Kissy

You're Home

I was finally able to deliver you back to Pops. We had dinner at Lyndsay's and I gave them both the urns I had gotten. Pops could not wait to get you home.  He said he put the urn on the mantel, but I would be willing to wager that he takes it down and puts it in your chair, turns on a marathon of cops or Law and Order, or even the Price is Right, and pops open a Dr. Pepper. He misses you so much. We all do.

In case you are wondering, this is what we decided to keep your ashes in...

This one we got for Pops. I know your blue eyes are always on his mind.

For Lyndsay (self explanatory :)

And for me... Because the quality I loved most about you, was your spice. You brought so much life; so much flavor to everything. I can only hope to have inherited that from you. I want to be as memorable as you are. If someone met you, they knew it. If someone asked "Have you met Betty?" the answer was never "ummm... I think we've met." to the contrary, it was "oh yea! I know Betty." You stood out in every crowd. You were a ruby among pearls. Spicy.

 Also, you always made sure everyone was fed, even if they were not hungry.  So you will go in my kitchen. I want to be able to talk to you while I'm cooking and feeding my family. I know that as long as you rule my kitchen, no one in my household will go hungry; whether it be their belly, or their soul.

So there you have it. Seems like a simple end to an incredible life. But this is not the end for you. You live in and through us everyday.

Love you and miss you like CRAZY!

Krissy

Toughy

I wish you could have seen her! Carlee, Mutton Bustin'! You would have laughed until you peed! And Charissa won 3rd place in the pork chop division of the cook off. She told everyone it was because she watched you and knew your secret recipe. You would have been so proud.

 

 

 

 

I can't tell you how much i miss you. My heart aches everyday. I find myself feeling ambiguous because i know you are happy, healthy, and in the presence of God. But i feel miserable. I want you here. i want to hug you. I want to lay in bed with you and watch cops and eat popcorn.  I want to hear you laugh at the stories of the kids.

DAMN IT!

I have so much to tell you. I fee sorry for myself that i can't talk to you. it fucking hurts; picking up the phone to call you and realizing that i can't. I want you back. This sucks.

Love,
 Krissy

Letters of love

Here are your letters:

This is the envelope -

 

Translation: I know that Pop is really sad but you are still loving.

 

Translation: I love you Maw Maw :)

Translation: (this one was a little more difficult)

  I miss you so much. I know your spirit is gone, bu i know you still have a sweet heart. I love you even now that you passed away. I am going to miss you very much. I love you and I miss you. I know your spirit is still sweet.

"Carlee wash my glasses!!!!!!!"

 

 

 

We ALL love you and miss you so very much. I know you would cherish these as if they were gold. Our hearts still ache.

 

Love,

 Krissy and Carlee



 

MaMole

Here I am again… a funny story about one of the kiddos.  Oh how I wish I could call and hear your laughter on the other end.   The best I have is the memory of exactly what it sounds like.  I will hold onto it as long as I possibly can.  I pray I never forget the sound of your laugh.

Carlee, went to the school counselor yesterday to speak to her about your death.  She is a tough cookie, and apparently did not want to let us know she was having a moment of vulnerability and sadness.  The sweet school counselor talked to her and comforted her. She also gave her some paper to write to you.  Although I have yet to read it, because it is sealed in an envelope, I will soon tell you what it says.  She asked that we put it on your grave, but since you were cremated, I am going to put it in the urn box for you. 

She spelled your name “MaMole” instead of "MawMaw".

I can hear you laughing from here!

 

We all miss you, deeply!

Love,

Krissy